pictures

Just a few picts from the weekend. We had such a good time, but were glad to get home, too. Thursday is the big move to Central City! Pray for good weather and a packing fairy to come in to this place tonight to finish loading boxes! More later. . .

Merry Christmas!

Wow! What a white Christmas it was!! I hope, if you're reading this, that you're safe, sound, and warm, and if you're like the rest of us, you're enjoying some extra time with family and/or friends. On Wednesday, the 23rd, I finished my last day of resident clinic and buzzed out a little early. We knew that if we didn't get out of Omaha Wednesday evening, we'd likely be snowed in for a few days. We packed the car hurriedly and set out to the west. It took an extra hour, but we made it safely to Arcadia. Logan was a trooper once again, and tolerated the trip very well. By the time we got to Grammie and Papa's, he was ready to kick around on the floor and tell them all about the trip.

We were lucky the weather held out long enough to enjoy a beautiful Christmas Eve service at the church with Dale's family (and the rest of the congregation, of course!). I know many people's plans were derailed, permitting them from worshipping together on that most holy night. We enjoyed celebrating Christmas day with the Sells, complete with B-I-L Alex, who flew in from Salt Lake. We had a beautiful day, blessed with great food, laughter, and love. We exchanged gifts (and received great stuff for the house--hooray!)

The weather hasn't yet cooperated for us to venture to Lindsay to share Christmas with my family. I'm trying to make the most of the extra free time--snuck in a nap, snacked a little here and there, played an extra game of footsie with Logan and Knight, and even snuck in a little bit of study for my board exam. Until further notice, we're in a holding pattern. We are so grateful, however, that we're warm and surrounded by loving family.

Christmas snuck up on us this year, and I didn't get all of my cards out. My apologies. Know that you're all in our thoughts and prayers this season. What year it's been! We have a new appreciation for some of the emotions young, scared Mary must have been experiencing on that cold night thousands of years ago when she gave birth to the tiny babe in the manger. Thanks for sticking in there with us, your fellowship is sustaining. We wish each and every of you richest blessings in 2010.

(I promise to post pictures soon. . . as soon as I get to my own computer).

*sigh*

This is such a busy time of year for everyone, and we are no exception. Things are moving along so quickly, however, that I felt the need to sit and type on this blog and process a few thoughts. So I apologize in advance if this comes out as sheer randomness. I hate the word "busy" and I hate using it to describe the events of our life. Everyone's busy. No one sits around eating snack cakes wondering what to do next.

What's new with us? We're doing great. Logan is growing and growing. He smiles and giggles and is tons of fun. We're so excited to hang out with family next week (YIKES!) I've never ever been this far behind with Christmas cards. I'm thinking we'll forego the letter this year (if anyone wants to know what happened this year, the highlights are all documented here). I always find it so hard to capture a years' worth of events on a piece of paper. So I'm not going to this time. I think I'm just about done with the shopping. I have a few things to pick up, but I should be able to walk in, grab what I need, and leave. . . now I just need the time to do it.

I desperately tried to pick a moving date for us. Dale would like to plan and recruit help, and I'm in complete denial that we're leaving and think we can sneak out on some random Tuesday, and that no one will know we're gone. So I'm thinking about the 31st. It's symbolic, isn't it? We'll begin a new chapter on the very first day of the year. Don't get me wrong, I'm SO excited for the changes that are on the horizon for us. We've said a couple of random "farewells" here in Omaha, and my patients are cramming in one last appointment, which is really cute. I'm a terrible "goodbye-sayer" and there have been plenty of tears already.

I am frequently humbled by my job. This morning was no exception. We had a patient (92 years young) who got critically ill very quickly overnight. We hastened to recruit the appropriate help and instinctively did everything we could to help her. She has no immediate family, so a distant relative, who checks in on her (she still lives at home) arrived at the hospital right after we called him. He called a priest and had Last Rights administered. As we moved along, proceeding with lifesaving measures, her few family members spoke and asked us to stop. They said she's been asking to die for a few years. . . each Christmas for a few years, in fact. Their gesture would be interpreted in a number of different ways by different people. I thought it was noble. I learned more about this family in just a few short critical minutes than I will know about patients I'll take care of for years. I think they gave her the best Christmas present ever. She gets to go home to Jesus where she will celebrate Christmas every day.

I am on call again tomorrow (for the last time!) in the hospital. I hope its good to me. I'm still recovering a bit from our whirlwind last night. I'm going to try to sneak in a nap this afternoon. If you hung in with me through this whole post, thank you. I'm trying to clear my brain as much as I'm able so that I can enjoy the true spirit of Christmas when we celebrate in a few short days.

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow!!

Our apologies for the long wait for a post. Funny thing is we think we are busy now and it's just the beginning of this crazy month! Michelle has had a very long week with work, calls, taking care of us boys, and other responsibilities. Logan and mom went to bed early tonight so you are stuck with me. The blessings continue in the family. Prayers for Duane are doing the job as we knew they would. Thanks to everyone and God who is so good. From Omaha last week he moved to a Norfolk rehabilitation unit that he checked out of today. He seemed pretty excited about getting snowed in on the farm for a day or two with Elaine! Chad and Curtis have been helping get the house better equipped for dad. By the way the whole family was in Norfolk Sunday afternoon to visit Duane. Grandpa had a great time with his three grandkids and all four of his kids around to celebrate his progress. It was like an early Christmas! As expected Duane is working hard on therapy and learning to use a walker. Pain is an issue but he seems to feel better every day. Please pray for patience and healing.

In Omaha our little man grows and grows. We love it as he wakes up with all kinds of smiles every morning. Daycare is going well. Logan has been fighting a little cold but seldom complains. Mom and dad are blessed with such a beautiful, patient, young, man! This evening he rested as we completed most of our Christmas shopping at the mall. He does a lot of talking and cooing, is amazed with the magic things called his hands, and makes us melt when he sucks on his thumb. Sleeping is going much better too as he wakes only once to eat during the night and settles quickly afterward.


Dad's excited about Tuesday. Omaha schools are closed so Mosaic is too. The boys will hunker down, stay inside, and do some snuggling. We wish mom could stay too but her patients need her great care. I better start packing some things as well as moving time is approaching quickly. Safety and love to all in the storm this week. Thanks for putting up with me and checking on the Sells. Hope to see you all soon.



Love,



Logan, Michelle, and Dale

the looooooong road

to recovery has begun. Surgery went well and thus far everything looks great. He's up and out of bed today, so he's officially on the road to recovery. Thanks for your prayers. Now we're looking for extra patience for each of us (its not a strong point for any of us). We're hoping for a trip home in the next day or so.

surgery

is scheduled for 730 am tomorrow. Fingers crossed and praying that everything goes smoothly. The surgeon is hopeful that it will go well. He'll be off his feet for quite some time. Thanks for your prayers.

Please continue to forward our mail. . .

. . . to Clarkson Hospital. Briefly, my dad was involved in a farming accident yesterday and ended up with a badly broken leg. We're awaiting the plan for surgery. It could have been much, much worse. Please join us in prayerful thanksgiving that he was protected through all of this. We're grateful for his "stubborn bohemian" blood and his sheer strength, both of which helped him avoid further injury. We'll keep you posted.
Love to you!
Dale Michelle & Logan (and grandpa!)

Give Thanks to the Lord, for He is good.

(I borrowed this photo from Becki, who does a better job capturing smiles)

Happy Thanksgiving week. Admittedly, I had planned to send out Thanksgiving cards/letter this year because it seemed appropriate. Unfortunately, this holiday is upon us and I haven't yet accomplished that task. I did sit down to write it a few times, and kept getting hung up. Wow. Where to you start giving thanks when you've been showered with blessings? Thank you. Thank you. We want to take a moment to thank each of you for the very important role you played in our lives this year. What a difference a year makes. Last year at this time we found out we were going to have a new niece/nephew. . . now we have one of each and a Logan!

I'm grateful for. . .

-my faith, which allowed me to experience the events of the last year in a very meaningful way

-our family who stepped in and loved us unconditionally when we felt like that's all we had to lean on

-our friends who have provided immeasurable support

-a husband who has more patience than anyone I've ever met and sifts so quickly through my occasional ugly words and actions and brings me back to the heart of what matters--faith, hope, and love

-each and every day with Logan and the privilege of watching him grow and change so quickly

-the gift of the Holy Spirit to calm my fears which allows me to experience true joy

-my job and patients who challenge me daily

-hugs at just the right moment

-tears, laughter, and smiles, which serve as an outlet for my emotions

Words can't express our sincere gratitude for you, friends and family. I hope you take a moment to reflect on the blessings in your life as well. Have a wonderful week, squeeze your loved ones a little harder this year, and please please travel safely.

Love to you!

Michelle

a traveling man

Logan is a great little traveler! Thank goodness, because we've been all over this place. This weekend marked his longest car trip as we drove to Bettendorf, IA on Friday night to visit Dale's sister and her family. We didn't get out of Omaha as quickly as we'd have liked on Friday evening, so our biggest delay was getting across the bridge to Council Bluffs! We woke him briefly in Des Moines to eat, and other than that we didn't hear a peep out of him until two blocks from Becki's house. He couldn't contain his excitement by then and let out a tiny little squawk. We had such a great time with great food (thanks, Becki!) and lots to time to relax. We shopped in Des Moines today with friends, and were happy to return home this evening. I haven't uploaded photos for a while, so I need to go through them and will hopefully have a few to share soon.
Other monumental moments since our last post:
-attended our first basketball game--go dogs!
-realized that he can kick and splash in the bath (I'm sure the cuteness factor will wear off one day, but for now we love it.)
-hit 12 lbs on the day I took him to get his rsv shot last week (thursday?)
-learned to smile and show off all 3 dimples!
-smiled at his reflection in the mirror
-learned that screaming at the top of his lungs summons his parents in a fraction of the time

I'm off to bed with the little nugget. Will post more soon. Have a good week!

Can you even believe it?

Logan is four months old already! I took him in for his four month check today and he got two thumbs up! He weighed 11 lb 3 oz, and is 23 inches long. He continues to plot at about 50% for preemies his age. You'll notice he's starting to fill out in his face. He seems to be finding more and more smiles daily as well. He continues to do so well. We finally have his reflux under control (fingers crossed) and he's worn the same clothes all day the past couple of days.

We've been busy traveling the countryside in our free time. Last weekend we stopped by the house in Central City to get some things done. Thereafter we journeyed to Arcadia for a family function. Logan got to meet many of his cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. It was so nice to go back (the last time I was in town, I went into labor. . . whoops). This trip was much more enjoyable and less anxiety provoking!!

We've been plenty busy, but don't have much new to report (this is a good thing!). Work is going well for both Dale and me. Logan does well at daycare and its clear that the teachers in his room love the heck out of babies. We've been enjoying the unseasonably warm weather; hope you have, too!

I just work here

This weekend, I was humbled in the face of medicine. . . again. One of the most powerful, uncomfortable, gratifying, scary things I do is guide a patient and/or family through the dying experience. Certainly, I don't claim to be a good counselor in this regard. After acknowledging some ominous signs in a patient whose care I'd assumed on Friday afternoon, it seemed that the elderly gentleman, whom I was sure had lived his many years to the fullest, was going to die. I waited for his sister to arrive, met her for the first time, and began to share my assessment and prognosis. She was reasonable. That always helps. We had a good chat. I promised to keep him comfortable. She thanked me for my time. I went about my various other tasks. I checked on him a couple of times thereafter. He seemed comfortable, as I promised we'd keep him. I didn't hear anything about him from the nurses for the remainder of the evening.
Saturday morning, as I was making rounds in the hospital, I knocked on the door to his room and washed my hands, per my usual routine. I called him by name as I approached the bed, per my usual routine. I was greeted with, "hey doc!" from a elderly man sitting in the bed. My jaw dropped and I stepped out to check the room number and patient name, which is usually not a necessary part of the routine. After confirming his identity, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or freak out. After checking him over, I humbly phoned his sister to update her on his condition. "Well ma'am, this is just another humble reminder that someone much more powerful than me is in control. Clearly, I'm not in charge. I just work here."

sweet pea

Logan was not a pea in a pod for Halloween. : ) This photo was taken weeks ago. Aunt Jenn bought the costume for him, and when we tried it on him, his feet were trying to bust out the bottom already. Naturally, we took a couple of photos and returned the costume to the store. He spent the weekend with Grandma and Grandpa Choutka (turns out they only had 3 trick-or-treaters) so Logan didn't dress up. We wore matching costumes briefly on Friday. If there are any good pieces of photographic evidence, I'll post.

another week

Ah--its been a whole week since I posted! Let's see. We survived week one in daycare and there were no tears until Friday morning. I have no idea what that was about (fatigue?) They take great care of Logan, and its been working well for him to come across the street to hang out (i.e. eat) with me over lunch. It's felt good to get back into the swing of things with work, as well. After a while, it seemed like my brain got dull.
We spent the weekend in Central City scoping out the house and hanging out with our great friends and their family. We're generating the ToDo list, and its a lot of fun (for now, because we get to drive away when we're through :)
Dale and I have both been battling a little cold virus and so far Logan's been healthy (Purell, Purell, Purell). We had a little bit of concern over the weekend and early this week. He's always been a spitty baby, but its gotten pretty forceful. Today I ran over to daycare and they had taped off the carpet that they'd had to clean after the milk explosion. It looked like a crime scene! We started him on some medicine for reflux, and today obtained an ultrasound to make sure he doesn't have pyloric stenosis, or a narrowing of part of his stomach. It looked okay (thank goodness!) so we're back to trying to quiet down his little tummy. We've gotten to the point that with each feed, someone usually has to change clothes. We pray that things settle down a bit so that he's more comfortable, which should lead to him sleeping better at night.
That's about all that's new with us. Hope you're enjoying the warmer weather today and the
S-U-N-S-H-I-N-E!

a place to hang our hats

Holy cow, its been a long time. Sorry about the delay (again). I got tied up with everything going on. As you know, no news is good news. Let's see, where did we leave off? We had a great week last week, once things settled down a bit. We closed on our house in Central City-- YIPEE!! We're very excited to start that transition. There's a lot of space to fill, and I look forward to piecing it together. Dale has big garden/yard plans. We love the town and are so excited about getting to know it better.

I started back to work on Friday (just for a half day) and Logan went to daycare. We both had good days and handled it better than I thought we might. Its easier knowing that there are big exciting changes on the horizon. Last weekend Gma and Gpa Sell came to Omaha so Dale and his dad could take in the Husker game. Sadly, the outcome of the game was a huge disappointment, but I'm glad he was able to get away and take in the atmosphere of the game and spend some great time with his dad. Meanwhile, I got to spend the day lounging in Omaha with a grandma here to help me! It was an awesome reprieve and I'm so grateful for their visit.

Sunday was another day of rest, and we hosted friends for dinner. I'm SO ready to get into a real kitchen and starting figuring out where my stuff is. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing like dinner on a folding chair with wine that's been chilling in a tupperware container :) We had great company though, and that's what matters.

Today marks my first full week back. I'm working with a great pediatrician for the rest of the month, so its been fun to pick his brain over and over (he'll probably be ready to be rid of my by the end of the month). The weather today is beautiful as well, so. . . I think I'd better go grab the peanut from daycare and get home to hang out with dad. Hope you have a great week!
Love from all of us!

its working

We went to daycare today to drop off Logan's stuff and meet his teacher. I've heard so many wonderful things about the facility and about her. I'm glad we went. I felt a huge sense of peace and know they'll love him and take great care of him. Logan's having a great day; he's napped well and been awake and alert (and content) in the interim. We stopped by the clinic and he weighs 9lb 12oz and is 22 3/4 inches long! So my suspicions that he's currently "growth spurting" were confirmed. Silly mommy--just feed me!

Letting go

I was frustrated this morning when we were up at 2am (and 3 and 5). Logan seems to be more fussy, just recently, and I can't figure out why. I have a list a mile long of possibilities, and we're working our way slowly through them to figure out what might be wrong. I started perusing the blog while Logan ate. I hope it was a good idea, because I was overcome with a flood of emotions that are still very real to me. I was reminded of his fragile start as well as the fragile start we had as parents. I tried to imagine how tiny he was and remember getting him out of the box to hold him. He was a tiny body with long arms and legs that just seemed to follow. Through a stream of tears, I recounted only the first month. I was brought back to a time when nothing else mattered, where the situation itself quieted the background noise and I could only focus on one thing. I was also brought back to a time when I relied completely on the Lord for my strength. I remember physicially feeling like I was letting go and I was so reassured by the promises of prayers from friends and family that I felt like I fell backward into a safety net.

Now, I have a few more responsbilities to regard (my job, my marriage, keeping the house. . . just kidding. . . the apt is still a mess : ) but I can't coordinate everything.

What makes me think that self reliance will get us through now? I'm nervous and excited about returning to work, about having Logan at daycare, about nearing completion of my residency and having a grown-up job, about closing on a house two hours away, among other things. So I can't do it. But I know someone who can! And today I am going to surrender completely (. . . . again) and realize that I am not the one manning this ship. This puke-stained, sleep deprived mother will love her fussy, spitty, gas producing infant fiercely and completely, and I will trust that he will sleep again, that I will have the energy to get through the days and return soon to work (and that I'll be able to function when I do) and that the good Lord knows exactly what he's doing. I'm letting go.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. 2 Cor 12:9

my little alarm clock

In an effort to condition both of us for my return to work Friday, I decided I would start waking up at a reasonable hour. Logan usually gets up to eat sometime between 530 and 630, which seemed like a great time to start our day. So this morning, instead of cuddling and begging him to go back to sleep, I drug myself out of bed, flipped on the lights, and started making breakfast. Of course, the little turkey fell right back to sleep. I'm up and at 'em, so I guess I'll try to get a few things done. There are plenty of tomorrows to try (and likely fail) to establish a routine. It seems, with my friends, that babies seem to know when Mom's going back to work and seem to eat & sleep better and fall into somewhat of a pattern. I'm not too concerned. We'll get there.

I'm sorry its been so long since our last post. I know there are several of you who check in daily. We had a GREAT weekend. Dale had Friday off, so we decided to sneak away briefly to relax a little bit before things get more hectic. We went over to Des Moines (its not a staycation if you leave the state, right?) Let me back up. After listening to my friendly weatherman, I made a quick trip to the store on Friday to gather some cold weather/snow gear for Logan. As you all know, the "dusting of snow that won't stick because the ground temperature is too warm" turned in to 5 inches ! Logan and I stood at the window at 3am (his decision, not mine) to watch the first snow of the season. . . in October!)

Anyway, Saturday we drove to Des Moines and met our niece, Allyssa (who's a SENIOR at Simpson already! Holy cow! We're very proud of her!) for lunch. Thereafter we just relaxed. It was wonderful! Allyssa got to engage in some good cuddle time with Logan, Dale got to watch some serious football, and I snuck over to the baby store where I buy most of my diapers and picked up a few things. Sunday was a slow moving day (perfect!) with highlights: lunch with Allyssa and Andrew, a stop at World Market (I SO miss that store here, as many of you know). Browsing through the store made me very excited to start decorating our house (I promise we're getting close(r) to closing). I was like a kid in the candy store looking at everything. I'm hoping for a return trip after we move in so I can scope out the situation. My brother once wrote a letter to Target asking them to open a SuperTarget in his town. Indeed, I wrote to World Market begging them not to close the Omaha stores. They didn't listen.

Okay, so now we're home and back to the endless pile of laundry and dishes and beautiful autumn weather (hardly). I will not complain however, because I get to spend the days with our healthy, beautiful little guy.

Have a GREAT week. I anticipate good news from this direction later this week.

Much Love-- Dale, Michelle & Logan

flying solo

Daddy's on duty all by himself tonight! I have my first overnight call in the hospital, so the men are on their own to cheer the Huskers to victory. Luckily Dale has the day off tomorrow, so just in case the evening doesn't go flawlessly, he can sleep and rest up tomorrow. Of course, I'd be silly to ignore the fact that I'm a little sad to be leaving all night myself. I'm hoping the general public are too occupied with the game that they forget they're sick and stay out of the ER, leaving me to catch a little rest myself. Oh well, tomorrow by this time I'll have another call down on my countdown to being done with residency.
I rotated through a bunch of Logan's clothes today--he's skinny but his torso is so long that many of his onesies and sleepers were taking on a V-neck or boatneck. I found the sleeve starting just above his waist and decided it was time to move up a size (now he's pretty much settled into 0-3s and out of most of his NB clothes) Now we just need to keep putting some fat on him so he grows into those as well.
It's been a good week; hope you're well (and warm). GO BIG RED!

baptism

*warning. . . I'm emotional these days*

"I prayed for this child and the Lord granted my request." 1Sam 1:27

I borrowed this verse (from the bible, of course) and from someone else who thought it was fitting for today. :)

Today was Logan's baptism. What a wonderful day. I am filled with joy. To think, we have prayed and prayed for this child since his conception. We've had ample opportunity to offer his care up to God, even through tears of, joy, uncertainty, and concern. Today, we got to officially share him with the rest of God's family and it felt so good. Welcoming him completely into the church suddenly makes every worry, tear, concern, and frustration pale in comparison to the overwhelming love that surrounds him. . . completely now. It was my proudest moment as a parent thus far. Indeed, nothing else matters. What a sweet, innocent reminder of our forgiven sin and how we are blessed and loved beyond comparison. Thanks to our dear friends and family who have weathered the journey with us thus far. As we seek to raise a Godly son, we look to your example and depend on your fervent prayer. We are richly blessed.

Cordless. . .

phone. . . drill. . . Logan! We just had a great weekend. We had visits from Grammie & Papa Sell, Aunt Jenn & Uncle Curtis, & friends from Phoenix! Logan is off his monitor and doing great. He continues to have a great appetite and weighed in at 8 lb 10 oz today! He's 21 1/2 inches long and I have no idea how big his head is because I didn't take the time to find a measuring tape. We're slowly rotating out some of his newborn clothes and thank goodness, because we were running out of room on his shelf! We're having so much fun with him as he loves to cuddle. We're having a great week and are looking forward to another busy weekend as we have family coming in to town for Logan's baptism. Thanks for checking in!

Love, the Sells

We wanted to share a few quick photos with you. In the first, Logan's showing you just how big he's gotten compared to Sam the bear. Auntie Jenn finally got to come for a visit for the first time since he came home, and as you can see, Logan really loves his aunties! The last photo was taken just after we returned from dinner. Logan spent some great time with Chelsea, his babysitter while we snuck away for a quick birthday dinner. We're looking forward to a visit from Grammie and Papa later this evening and anticipate a great weekend. GO BIG RED!

Great day!

What a great day we had today! Logan helped me celebrate my 30th birthday today. What a great day to sit back and thank God for another year of richest blessings. Certainly, Logan's health is the best present I could ever ask for. We snuck out for lunch with Abby at marketbasketomaha.com. It was delightful (Thanks, Abby). I also splurged on a haircut with highlights today (photos tomorrow, perhaps).
Logan continues to do well off caffeine. We learned tonight that there was a misunderstanding regarding how long he needs to stay on the monitor, so we're working through that to see what the best plan will be for the little guy (and for mom and dad!)
We have a couple of family members undergoing surgery this week; we pray that they're wrapped in the Lord's grace and healing and that the surgeries are successful. Enjoy the rest of your week!
Much Love!

Today was

a perfect day for a snuggle because it was cool and cloudy. So we did. All day. And I loved every second of it. He certainly isn't acting like he's going to be small for long given that he weighed 7 lb 10 oz on Friday! The kid is eating like a maniac!
We had a big weekend, as it was a retreat weekend for our residency program. It was fun to meet everyone's children, especially since two of them were preemies! They're now boisterous little ladies who don't skip a beat. It was nice to chat with the moms, too, and compare NICU stories.
He's doing GREAT off caffeine, and the monitor has been quiet, except for a couple of minor alarms while eating, which we pretty much disregard. I think we're probably on track turn the monitor off for good by mid week (if its okay with his doctor, of course : ) Other than that, things have been nice and quiet. We've been spoiled by the women of my bible study, who have been dropping by with food (I think they found out that I was everything I attempted to cook for a while. Something in the apartment always seems to distract me (i.e. want to eat) right about the time the buzzer goes off).
We're looking forward to visits from family this weekend and pray for safe travels for everyone. It's also the weekend for the fall festival at our church. We're a little bummed that our participation will be limited (and I'm perhaps more bummed that I can't make a decent cookie for the cookie toss booth : ) We're looking forward to a great week and hope you're doing the same.
Much love! Dale, Michelle, & Logan

drug free zone

Okay, its time to keep your fingers crossed and maybe for some specific prayer requests. Yesterday (Wednesday) we stopped Logan's caffeine, so he's starting day two of his drug free (medicine free) life. You'll recall, last time we tried stopping it, which was nearly a month ago, the frequency of his alarms picked up and he proved to us that he wasn't quite ready to go off of it. Being off of it at home restarts another "spellwatch" on the monitor. We'll watch for a period of time (perhaps 7 days?) to see if he has any alarms. If he doesn't then we'll petition to get rid of the monitor! As you can imagine, this would be incredibly cool on a number of levels! We're hoping as well that stopping his caffeine will help with reflux as he does seem to be as spitty baby (cutting back on the frequency of this would be cool on a few levels as well).

We had a much better day today, and are off to a better night already. (I don't feel compelled to shower in the middle of the night to regain my sanity).

Of course, we'd also ask for prayers regarding our upcoming transition to Central City and specifically surrounding the closing on our next home. We've already experienced some delays and have some anxieties regarding logistics, finances, etc.

I'm trying to frequently recite (and live and breathe) a favorite verse-- Phil 4:6-7 "Have no anxieties at all, but in all things, by prayer and petition, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Indeed, He does just that (when I let Him).

Monumental

Tonight is a top ten night. Yup. One of them where I've counted to ten. . .and back again. We achieved a milestone today, and Logan is (finally) able to nurse unaided, so we spent the day today nursing exclusively and trying to avoid bottles . In order to maintain enough milk for him, it was timely that this happened. I'll spare you the juicy details, but know that essentially we're starting at square one (and a half) with breastfeeding and trying to figure things out. I'm sure those of you candidates for sainthood out there who have gone through the steps to develop a healthy nursing relationship with your child can empathize with the frustrations associated with our day/evening. Certainly, circumstances won't allow him to be an exclusive nurser (i.e. he needs a bit of special preemie formula daily, one day all too soon I'll go back to work and he'll get bottles at daycare) but for the time being I need to boost the supply on my end. So we're nursing. It's been an emotional experience for both of us. Deep breath. Smile. We'll get there. . .

still here!

I just typed a beautiful, poetic post but lost it when I tried to post it. . so this substitute will have to suffice : )

I didn't realize it had been so long since I'd posted. We continue to do great here at home and are getting to know each other better every day! Sunday we made a quick trip to Central City to take a good look at our next home. It will require a lot of patience and will be a work in progress, but we're excited. Dale has great plans for the lawn and garden(s), I have GREAT plans for the kitchen, and Logan has great plans for the playhouse! It was nice to spend time with good friends. We look forward to the changes that are just around the corner for us. We stopped at the clinic briefly and our nugget weighed in at 7 lb 3 oz!
Logan was a little bit unsettled again yesterday. We spent most of the day and evening trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong. Today I surmised that he's just developing a temper (what?!?! my kid!!). It seems to be more prominent as his red hair is more noticeable. We're still toying around with his feeding schedule that he can tolerate and gets him the calories he needs.
Today Logan and I met friends at Fontenelle Forest, another outdoor facility where germs are diffuse-able and people aren't very heavily concentrated. We had a great morning; we got some fresh air and I had a lovely chat with another adult! This afternoon I closed the book on the "To-Do List" for a while. My time home is going way too quickly! I continue to spend too much time on the phone trying to coordinate various aspects of our life. That left a little more cuddle time, which was okay by me. It's my favorite thing in the world to do and each time reminds me briefly of the sea of emotion we experienced the first time we got to hold him in the NICU.
We hope this finds you well and enjoying the waning days of summer. Sending little Logan hugs your way!
Dale, Michelle & Logan

still there!

So the web is still there, at least the top half is intact. It's dirty and battered, but it survived two nights of automatic sprinklers and my 6'5" husband coming and going to work. Yesterday I found Charlotte on our living room floor, which was absolutely not okay.
Today is my due date. Its a little bit surreal, and I spent some time this morning reflecting on just how far little Logan has come. I can't help but be filled with joy for the blessing of a new life who's been entrusted to our care. We're having another good day at home today; I have a few projects I'm trying to take care of between naps and feeds. Yesterday we got out for a bit; we made a quick trip to the zoo with friends (during off peak hours, of course).
On this date when our country remembers being rocked to the core, I hope you'll take a moment to give thanks for the precious people in your world. Have a great weekend!

Charlotte

We had a great day today. Logan and I ran a few errands, but for the most part we just hung out. He was in a great mood today and was tons of fun to watch and feed. It's such a privilege to get to know Logan more and more every day. I felt very content today. More than other days, I felt wrapped in God's love and was filled with a sense of calm and peace (so your prayers are working. . thanks : )
We enjoyed dinner with friends and as they were leaving, we witnessed a spider building the most magnificient web I've ever seen. I tried to photograph it, but none of the pictures turned out, and the ones that did showed only a fragment of the web. The anchors stretched from feet up into the tree to the ground, and the web is over a foot in diameter. We watched as the spider started in the middle and made its way round and round. Later I went to check it out, and each concentric ring was millimeters from the one before it. The spider itself was nested in the middle of the web, content and pleased with its work, I would imagine. I'm anxious to see if the web is there in the morning. . doubtful, I suppose. Someone will come along and wipe it away, or not see it and walk right through it (I know what you're thinking. . I'll probably be the one to walk through it). I'd love to step out each morning and see it and know that its there. For now, however, the spider is safe and sound with everything it needs.
I feel compelled to compare this to my faith. At times it seems to take a lot of work to build it up and maintain it, and at times no one can see it, but we know its there. When they can see it, they see a fragment of it. The truth is that it is magnificent and vast and intricately crafted. Sometimes, "life happens" and the web is disrupted, never entirely. . . there are always remains. . . but enough that the web requires constant rebuilding. Once in a while, if even for a brief moment, the web seems complete and we can snuggle up in the middle, surrounded by protection and to provide nourishment.
I am grateful for many things. I am grateful for a relationship with our Lord that is vast and beautiful and intricate and portable. I am grateful for the experiences of late that have showed me that that relationship can at times seem delicate. I am grateful for the ability to go "back to work" at any time, reconstructing the web, and I'm grateful for the ability to take advantage of previous hard work and sit lazily in the middle of the web. I'm grateful for family and friends who are continuously lifting us up in prayer so that we might take a breather as needed and stop weaving the web for a bit.

photos

We posted some new photos of Logan, and instead of posting twice, you can follow this link to the post on my facebook page. The March of Dimes representative took them for us in the NICU . . here's a sampler. She did a great job!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=117294&id=589142623&l=62d2c26108
enjoy!

Today we took

a really. great. walk. I needed to bust out of the apartment for a while, and was desperately hoping to get some exercise, too. In an effort to avoid crowds and enjoy the big outdoors for some fresh air, we went down to Lauritzen Gardens for a couple of hours this morning. We got to try out Logan's stroller for the first time (thanks auntie Jenn, for putting it together). The weather was perfect and Logan slept the whole time (thank goodness because the pacifier fairy seems to have gotten into the diaper bag and we ended up away from home without one). There weren't a lot of people in the park, so that was good for us, too. Dale noted that it was the first time I'd been in the sun (except for out and about running errands) since the 4th of July. It felt really good to get out and walk. Really really good. If you haven't been there, the gardens are beautiful, even as we transition from summer into fall. The rose gardens took a hit in the storms last summer, so they're on the mend, but the well manicured grounds, beautiful landscaping, and of course the flowers are well worth the price of admission. Next year we hope to be back in Arcadia for the annual Fall Festival. We hope our friends and family are having a wonderful, safe time!

How've you been?

(Warning: flight of ideas ahead)
Its been a while, how've you been? Again, as readers you can generally assume that no news is good news. We continue to make our way through the days as new parents, trying to figure out what the heck we're doing with this new person living with us. I would say that all in all, we're doing pretty well. Logan has the ability to sleep well at night, which means that I get to sleep sometimes at night. I do my best thinking and writing at night, so I haven't taken the time to sit down and type. Plus, I haven't had much to write about, short of providing a mundane play-by-play of our day. Maybe its writers block. Maybe its because I feel a little bit indifferent at the moment. Maybe I'm scared because things are going well and I'm afraid to let my guard down because that seems to be when disappointment sets in.
Logan's been home a week (already!?!). Dale was home for the better part of a week and went back to work on Thursday, leaving Logan and I to figure out the ways of the world. We have a good time. He does a great job changing things up for me, so that just when I think I know how much he likes to eat, he pukes half of it up in my lap. Just when I decide that he hates to nurse and just wants a bottle, he rejects the bottle and nurses for 30 minutes. During those times, I try to remember to turn my "doctor" off, quit trying to figure him out, and just go with the flow.
I've been spending the rest of the week on the phone, it seems. Which brings me to my next point. I've had a hard time processing my emotions lately because honestly I feel like I've (we've) been let down. Not by any particular person for any specific reason. I've been trying to coordinate follow up appointments and services for Logan--something that should have been done upon dismissal from the hospital, but due to a number of seemingly innocent oversights and miscommunications, I've been trying to straighten it out all week. We're trying to get the paperwork finished up so we can close on our house in Central City next month. I feel let down because I planned to moonlight a few weekends to cover the downpayment. I got to bring a premature kid home (not a let down!) in the middle of the craziest flu season in decades, so we have to keep him home. He wears a monitor that shrieks and provokes anxiety, so I can't ask just anyone to come by to watch him while I go to the grocery store. I feel let down by some friends or family from whom I haven't heard, or when I do, they ask casually, "How've you been?" I want to answer, "Oh you know, just took a quick trip to hell and back. How are you?" (Please know that we are gaining strength from so many of you who are supportive and helpful and for that we are so eternally grateful!) I feel like God let us down, and sometimes going to church is absolutely the last thing I want to do. I went to bible study this week, and we talked about praying without ceasing and you know what, that is sometimes the last thing I want to do, too. I trust that God sees my brokenness during those times and interprets my prayers for me, however scarce and feeble they might be.
Through it all, we continue to move forward. I feel a little bit like a circuis clown, riding a unicycle and juggling at the same time. We do the best we can to keep the balls in the air but sometimes one falls and rolls away, but there's no time to go after it or the others will assuredly come crashing down. The awesome thing is that during intermission, I have a beautiful, perfect (6 lb 11 oz!) little boy who just loves to snuggle and owns my heart and needs me and for that reason, the juggling act occasionally just has to wait.

Shhh. . . be vewy vewy quiet. . .

Logan's sleeping. We had a bit of a rough night last night. Logan was very discontent all night, despite our creative efforts to appease him. He didn't sleep well and ate poorly. It can likely all be attributed to adjusting to lift at home, but I can't help but worry about him when he as off days. Dale and I had a couple of learning sessions this morning, so he should be more equipped to take shifts when Logan fusses at night.m Early this morning his feeding picked back up, which was reassuring to me. He also pooped this afternoon, which helped a TON (he'll thank me when he's fifteen for sharing his bowel habits with the world, I'm sure). His alarm has been fairly quiet and the home health nurse stopped by to check things over. Since then, it's been going off for "equipment failure" off & on all day. Go figure. He's had a few alarms, but they're not concerning because they're brief and tied to feeds or spitting up. He had his first Dr. visit today and weighed in at 6 lb 6 oz (equal to the birth weight of his beautiful mother. . . at this rate he'll reach the birth weight of his father at about a year and a half --kidding). The doctor was very pleased with how he's been progressing. We'll take him in next week for two month shots already! I can't believe it!

For now, he's been more content tonight. If the stinking alarm would quit shorting out, the kid might actually get some good sleep. I'm about to sign off and will let Dale try his hand at the first shift. Hopefully we won't chuck the monitor out the window. Hope you're well and geared up for a great holiday weekend this weekend.

D.M.L

out for a drive

Today was Logan's first car ride since we've been home. We had an appointment this afternoon and after some careful planning, decided Daddy should drive! I sat in the back seat with him, just because we were encroaching on eating time and wanted to be ready with a bottle just in case. Logan didn't feel the best today (I think I need to pull out the "Everyone Poops" book again, just to remind him). He got all dressed up in his handsome firetruck outfit and when we got home we went for a walk around the parking lot. We also enjoyed a stop at Dairy Queen and our reddish haired son waited patiently while we downed blizzards -- YUM!

I've had several people respond to the blog by telling me I should write a book--perhaps its already been written!! I recieved a book from a very dear friend and it is wonderful! It addresses the emotions associated with parenting a nicu baby/child and I am loving every page of it so far (we'll see if I hang in there--there are 900 of them!) It has validated a lot of my feelings and emotions and has stirred up a few, too (warning: sappy blog post coming soon). I look forward to it serving as a great resource for both Dale and I as we make our way through it. I'm sure we'll also be sharing various excerpts with friends and family as well as reflecting on them here on the blog. Here are a few pics of our outing today, and a bonus photo from Logan's first bath at home.

day one at home

Sorry to keep you waiting; we've just been basking in our family-ness today. Logan is adjusting well to being home. He was up for a while last night, but I suppose our apartment is darker and quieter than the NICU. Thus, I invested ten bucks in a CD of ocean wave sounds. Hope we don't all wake up in a wet bed in the morning : ) Our biggest issue right now is that the formula he gets twice a day (because he's a preemie) is apparently difficult for him to digest as he brings it back up even hours after eating. Thankfully, the monitor has been quiet which is a huge answer to prayer. We hope it continues as things would be much more stressful and anxiety provoking if it was alarming.
I've been trying to upload pictures to a couple of different places today with no success, so if you're waiting on me, you'll have to keep waiting. I got to do a little bit of cooking today, which relaxes me. I have an incredible live-in dishwasher, which makes it more enjoyable too. (I just have to make sure I have the mess made by the time Logan's ready to eat because that's when Dale steps in to clean up for me : )
Thanks again for calling before stopping over. We've had a number of requests about ways to be helpful, even from miles away. Of course, we most appreciate your continued prayers and well wishes. We appreciate the efforts you've made to keep us updated on life "out there" with things going on with your families, etc. In trying to protect Logan from some of the illnesses running around while his immune system matures, our apartment walls could start to close in a bit over the next few weeks. I anticipate a great deal of computer and telephone time : ) If you're wanting to do something (and please do not feel obliged) gift cards for groceries are awesome. We have a dear friend who's been doing our grocery shopping when we can't get out and its nice to hand off preloaded cards.
We hope you're having a wonderful weekend because we are! Both of my boys are sleeping soundly in the living room, so I suppose I should start shuffling them off to bed. Much love to each of you!
Dale, Michelle, & Logan

the ride home

It took three of us to figure out how to buckle Logan into the darned seat (hence the reason he looks completely annoyed). Sam the bear didn't accompany him the whole way home; he was just giving him a pep talk about it. Dale rode in the back seat with him for part of the trip. . . and had a little trouble getting back out, as evidenced in photo #2. We had a good laugh (not as good as when I walked through the screen door, but it was pretty amusing).

H*O*M*E

There's no place like it! We came home this afternoon around 2pm. Logan did great in his carseat and the alarm hasn't caused us any problems yet. His schedule was thrown off a bit so he didn't eat well this afternoon. He made up for it at five o'clock, though, and seems to be waking up now to eat again. Dale and I sat down for a real dinner (complete with cake to celebrate) and are very much enjoying the fact that we get to stay home all evening! I have more pictures from the day that I'll share later--just wanted to let everyone know we're home safe and sound! Much love!

Homecoming Dance

Tomorrow we're hosting a homecoming dance. Logan is set to come home which calls for music and dancing! I'm really not sure how I feel, to be quite honest. Of course, I'm so excited that I want to jump out of my skin, but I'd be lieing (how am I supposed to spell that??) if I said I didn't have any reservations. Its kind of surreal after so many weeks of visiting him in the NICU (seven, in fact) and sharing him with so many people. I'm happy and scared and sad and excited all at once. The big day is finally here. I've had similar experiences before. . . getting married, graduating from medical school. . . one day I go to bed on a seemingly ordinary day, and the next I wake up with a completely new "status." Tonight I'm going to bed and when I wake up I'll be a full-fledged mommy! Its kind of like starting at square one after we were stuck on square zero for seven weeks. . . fifty days.

We're off on a new adventure. We'd like to sincerely thank each of you who have accompanied us on the beginning of this journey. Certainly, we're not out of the woods yet, but getting a healthy Logan home is a huge milestone. He'll be accompanied by a monitor that shrieks like a smoke detector, so we hope it stays quiet and is good to us. So please continue to hang in there with us, and if you think of it tomorrow, join us in our homecoming dance--wherever you are!

Day 3

We've successfully completed day 3 of "spell watch" and Logan is still on track to come home on Friday if he doesn't have any concerning spells. The transfusion helped a lot; he's pink now and seems to be feeling much better. He's been eating more efficiently since we tanked him up. Apparently he wasn't having too much trouble before, as he weighed 6 lb last night!! We're getting things ready here at home; last night we put his swing together which took both of us standing on our heads looking at parts and the directions. (I don't think my brain works that way).
Today is both Dale and my last full day of work (I'll work 1/2 day tomorrow)--we're excited! I saw two cases of influenza in the clinic yesterday. I'm hoping that's not representative of what's going to happen in Omaha. Since Logan is a preemie, we're going to be cautious anyway, but with influenza potentially running rampant we'll have to work even harder. That said, please call before you stop by and if anyone around you has been feeling poorly please do us a favor and wait a few days. Additionally, please don't be offended if we have to "close to visitors" for a while.
We're looking forward to a great hump day. Dale and I have a double dinner date tonight with good friends. Hope you're having a great week!

Love Dale, Michelle & Logan

another hitch in our get-along

Logan had routine labs drawn this morning, and we were able to assess the status of his anemia. It wasn't any better, and we elected to proceed with a blood transfusion. Unfortunately, this resulted in a new IV for Logan, but the nurses said he handled it very well and didn't fuss. He tolerated the transfusion well and seems to be a different kid already. He ate very well this evening and was alert and interactive for over an hour. Hopefully tanking him up a little bit will help him feel better and help with the alarms as well. . . we'll just have to see. We got home from the hospital a little early tonight so we're trying to get some more chores done in anticipation of the little nugget coming home. Day 2 of "spell watch" is complete and, barring no complications, we're on track to bring him home late this week.

countdown

We had a good weekend. We had a fair amount of visits from family and friends, which was fun (and nothing overwhelming, which was good as well). Logan ate like a Sell (or a Choutka). . he's got where to get that talent. . . He's moved to ad lib feeds, which means we treat him more like any other baby and let him eat as much as he wants whenever he wants. He appears to be taking advantage of the privilege once in a while : ).

I hesitate to even talk about it, but I'm not a superstitious person, so we should be okay. We're counting down to Logan's discharge from the hospital! We have a new doctor coming on today to round, so I haven't touched base with him yet regarding the plan. For now, his last significant alarm was still Saturday, so today is day 2. He has to go five days, which hopefully is representative of forever, without a concerning alarm before he can come home. If he alarms again, his discharge date will be postponed and we'll deal with it.

Of course, we're very excited; we've waited over 6 weeks for this countdown. I think we'd be fooling ourselves if we didn't admit to some apprehension as well. We spent the weekend trying to get things in order here for a new little person (and his monitor : ) to come live with us. Please pray this week for Logan's continued development and readiness to come home. Please pray for our continued development as parents as we transition from hours and hours at the hospital with continuous information about his condition at our fingertips and plenty of staff/help nearby to bringing him home to our quiet apartment with the two of us. I would also ask for prayers as we continue to juggle the other demands of life and try to keep everything else in line. Perhaps that has been the biggest struggle through all of this.

Have a great week! We'll keep you posted.

Love Dale, Michelle, & Logan

centered

I had to post this picture because I love it. This was Logan when I arrived to wake him up on Friday. He's so peaceful that I was immediately quieted and centered and suddenly nothing else mattered but my sweet son. Today he looks the same except his feeding tube is out!! This time for good (we certainly hope). He took above and beyond his minimum bottle feed for each feed overnight, and has taken all of his feeds by mouth for three days. He had a significant alarm this morning (significant meaning it buys him 5 more days in the NICU so they can watch him) but we're hoping once his caffeine dose is therapeutic that those will settle down and we'll still be on track for a discharge date potentially late next week. I enjoyed a great "day off" running errands with my sister and Dale was on feeding duty with Logan and did a great job. Perhaps we'll post more later on. Have a great weekend!

DML

quickie

Its been a while again since I updated, and we made it through another Thursday (although not without a hitch). We're still wrestling with our emotions for a number of reasons. We tried stopping Logan's caffeine, but the number and severity of his alarms increased so it was restarted. This is good & bad. On a positive note, it gets us closer to a discharge date (maybe next week some time??). The bummer is that he goes home on a monitor. Pardon my selfishness here and granted, I have zero experience to date with a home monitor. I'm bummed because I was really looking forward to perhaps having a seemingly "normal" newborn experience for a while after 6 weeks of the NICU. . .with no tubes, wires, bells or whistles. Such is not the case, however, and Logan will come home with a monitor so that we can ensure his utmost safety. He's eating very well and gaining weight (5 lb 10 oz last night!!) I'm not sure what the plan is for removing the feeding tube, but I assume we're close (and this time Logan's much closer to ready for that). Thanks for hanging in there with us. Please have a great weekend.
Love Dale, Michelle & Logan

Good Grief

I was talking with Logan's nurse the other day about grief and have been thinking about it now and again. Any time life doesn't go quite as planned, or any time you miss out on something I think its natural to grieve. As you know, there are several stages of grieving and there are good ways to greive. . . and there are bad ways to grieve. Let's face it, when we got pregnant and excitedly spread the word to all of you, this is not what we expected. It would be easy to perseverate on all of the things we missed (the third trimester experience, normal labor & delivery, going home with our precious 2 day old newborn, trying to figure out feeding and diapers and baths without a clue what we were doing, the list could go on and on) but it doesn't do any good. It also doesn't help much to compare Logan to any other kid with any other story. Life for us has been very different than we expected the past 6 weeks, and as I look back on it, we've been situated in various stages of grief.

Once I started thinking about it, I didn't think I'd spent much time in the anger stage. I remember thinking that I simply didn't know people could be angry with God (or whomever or whatever) because in the end there's a beautiful child who still gets to come home with us. Then I woke up the next day and I was angry. . . oops : ) As I look back, I've spent plenty of time in denial, too. In fact, I kind of had the notion that in a couple of days/weeks, we'd walk out of the NICU and be done worrying. . . that he would have magically transitioned to a completely healthy "normal" kid (if one exists) and it would be life as usual from here on out. I'm not so ignorant to think that parents don't worry about their kids, but I kind of thought his first 2 months would make a nice chapter in his book of life, and that we could turn the page and begin another.

Such is not the case. We've been dealt a very special hand with Logan, and we'll always care for him in a very special way. He'll have different needs and followup when we leave, and I think I'm starting to accept that. We're not going to close this book and open the book on easy street. Don't get me wrong. . .Logan has done GREAT, and for the most part is a very healthy kid and for that we are truly truly blessed.

Good grief. That is my hope and my prayer. Lord, please shower us with grace and provide us the perseverence to handle the curves in life. (and please move me past the denial that once we walk out the doors of the NICU that life is going to be a straight shot : ) For you, please forgive me if you call or stop by and catch me in an angry mode.

We met with the Dr. yesterday and our ambitious hope is that we're within a couple of weeks of coming home. From the beginning, we were told to expect him to be here until his due date (9/11) so anything we get before that will be a treat. He continues to do great; for the most part he's been feeding well and seems to just need one or two feeds through his tube per day. He had good weight gain last night (he had stalled out for a bit) and hopefully he'll continue that. He continues to get cuter and more lovable every day (I think he got that from me) and I seriously can't wait for you to meet him! I humbly ask for your continued prayers for all of us.

Thank you, and much love from all of us! Have a great day.

the little engine that could

Logan continues to chug along. His tube was replaced Saturday afternoon because he was just working too hard to try to keep up with his feeds, and his weight gain slowed down. Since it was replaced, he's only taken one feed through it, but its a lot less stress for me, knowing its there if we need it. He did rest well this weekend. He acted on Saturday like he didn't feel very well, but I'm guessing he was just plumb tuckered out!
We had a frustrating weekend; we had a lot of different people with a lot of different ideas about Logan's care, and we finally have everyone on the same page. . . I think. As I've alluded to in the past, Logan has one speed: slow and steady. (good thing he's cute : ) We're hoping tomorrow to talk to the doctor and get a better feel for the projected course between now and his discharge date. . . whenever that may be.
Dale and I took good naps this afternoon, and are poised to take on another week. Thanks to good friends who fed us today. As always, thanks for your prayers. We love you all and are so excited to share Logan with the world.

all*star

This is Logan. Specifically, this is Logan after he decided he didn't need his feeding tube and then proved it to us by taking all of his feeds by mouth all day and all night last night. The little nugget gained weight again last night, so we have reason to believe he can hold his own. The possibility exists that it might have to be replaced, but its fairly unlikely. We've cut down on the frequency of his alarms, which is also wondeful news. This morning he passed his hearing screen. Check.
He's still on caffeine twice a day, and its up to the doctor to decide if we'll try to wean that off before he goes or if he'll go home taking caffeine and on a monitor. The key word is home. We're getting closer. I brought the carseat up this morning (but its still in the car because I need to figure out how to outsmart the base to secure it in the car.) Once we get that figured out, they'll put Logan in his carseat to see if he can keep his oxygen level and heart rate up while he's in the car.
Last night we had a slumber party at the hospital and I got up with Logan with each feed so he could nurse. He did a great job; woke up on his own each time and ate like a champ. Today we're enjoying some down time. Dale's headed off to a company picnic and I'm. . well. . . enjoying some down time : )
Have a great weekend!

My grace is sufficient

I was so excited this morning, I couldn't wait to post. Logan pulled his feeding tube out again last night. No big deal; he does it about every other day. But. . . . the nurse hadn't put it back in because. . . he took all of his feeds overnight by mouth!! He ate well this morning at 8 when I got there, too. Now, I'm not overly hopeful that he'll fly solo from here on, but it does make me hopeful that we're getting to the point that he may just "flip a switch" on some things and catch on. I'm hoping he'll do the same thing regarding his bradycardia and just figure it out one day and stop alarming, or at least cut back on the frequency significantly.

Again, I am in awe at how the Lord works. Admittedly, I was drained last night. . . nearly empty (in fact, I haven't proofread the last post, so no promises : ) and this morning, in a split second I was filled back up. I am reminded of one of my very favorite verses. . . "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Cor 12:9.

A Case of the Thursdays

We survived another Thursday. Thursdays are hard for me. By noon on Thursday, I'm usually in tears and today was no exception. There was no particular reason, really. I think it just happens to be when I hit my wall each week. I have energy enough to carry me partway through the week, and by noon on Day 6, I'm spent. Thursday is also the day that Logan "rolls over" and achieves another week of maturity (i.e. today he's 36 weeks). Its a little bit disappointing not to know exactly when Logan will come home. We know he's getting closer every day, and for that we are grateful.

I learn a lot on Thursdays. Like it or not, I have to let my guard down. On Thursdays I don't have the energy to mask my emotions so I learn to be very honest. We both are learning to ask for (and accept) help from friends and family. It amazes me how much energy we spent(d) trying to be self sufficient. Slowly I'm learning to let go and lean on people.

Logan's had a good week. He got a good report from his eye exam yesterday, and he is a trooper when it comes to trying his hand at nursing. As we close the book on another Thursday, we are grateful for the progress he's made and the gentle hands who guide him. Look for more fun, detailed posts this weekend (and perhaps more pictures!)

thanks for checking in; take care
the sells

Worth it.

Holy cow! I'm sure this is the first of many, many times I'll sit in awe at how fast "our baby" is growing (I forsee a similar post 15 years and 11 months from now : ) Yesterday was the one month mark for the little guy. Its hard to believe he's been here that long. Then again, I think about how much he's grown and changed and it seems like he's been here for years. It has been such a privilege to be his parents and get to sit by his bedside and watch him. Yesterday we were recounting our daily schedule with friends, and each time I want to say "but it doesn't mattter." I'd like to share a few sentiments from one of my a friend of mine who was quite helpful to me when Logan was born. He and his wife have had two premature babies of their own.

We talked about how having a premature baby helps to understand how God feels about us. In the beginning, we could only look through the box at our precious little boy. We watched him as he slept. He didn't know we were there and there was no "reward" for going, we went because we love him. He'll never know we were there; we went because we wanted to. "I think God is the same way. He has always waited by me, even when I can't acknowledge His presence and I am an incapable, incompetent being, just for the chance to be near me. Not because I am anything special - but because He loves me - and to Him. . . I am worth it."

Today Dale and I celebrate our second wedding anniversary and I can't help but think about how things have changed for us over the last two years. I am richly blessed. And it is worth it.

marching marching

This note was waiting for us when we arrived this morning. (There are ant stickers "marching" up the side of the bottle) That's a good descriptor of what we've been doing lately. left. left. left-right-left. And we march. Step by step, Logan is getting older and stronger and closer to going home. Step by step, Mommy and Daddy are getting closer to feeling adequate to take him home and be responsible for him. Sometimes it becomes methodical and we just step to the beat, moving forward. Other times, our legs get tired and its hard to pick up our knees and keep marching. But we do. Sometimes we miss a step and fall down. But then we get back up and keep marching.
Its been a great weekend thus far. Yesterday my dear friends hosted a baby shower. Thanks for all of you who thought of us and took time out of your weekend to share part of the day. We received many nice things for Logan (and a ton of great books!) and it was great to see all of you. Thanks to friends and family who traveled, especially in the nasty heat.
We've been utilizing Sunday as a day of rest, so I anticipate sitting in the recliner next to Logan for most of the day. Dale says he has some special shopping to do. . . we'll see what that entails. It's been a soggy, damp, morning; perfect for cuddling up and reading stories, and I think we will do just that.

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Ps 118:24

Love to you! Dale, Michelle, & Logan

The clean plate club

is about to install a new member. Logan moved up the ranks again today. For two of his feeds, he nursed the entire feed and didn't need any tube feeding. He did it twice in a row and by the third feed he was plumb tuckered out! He gained weight again, which is AWESOME (5 lb 2 oz). He was able to consume an entire feed without alarming, which is AWESOME. And. . . he went all afternoon without an alarm, which is indeed. . . AWESOME!
The little nugget is just trucking right along and will be home before we know it. Each of these steps are certainly in the right direction. When he sleeps, he sleeps hard (which is good because there's obviously all kinds of brain development and growth going on. His alert periods are becoming longer and he's more interactive.
We are so pleased with his progress and proud of our little guy, as its certainly hard work to do things for himself (I liken it to a treadmill session at the gym, every three hours). We've also been enjoying visitors now and then. We'd just remind you to please call first (you can't gain access to the NICU without Dale or myself) and know that Logan's down time is precious and necessary. Please don't be offended if we defer your visit for another time or ask you to cut it short. We absolutely do not want to do anything that would jeopardize the progress he's made.
That said, THANK YOU for your prayers and thoughts. We look forward to the day when we can bring him home and share him with the world (I think you're really gonna like him, but I'm a little biased) Have a great weekend and please be safe and stay cool. It sounds like its gonna be a scorcher out there (at least here in Omaha relative to the summer we've had).

Much love!
Dale, Michelle, & Logan

We achieved another milestone today--Logan ate part of his breakfast (. . . and his lunch. . . and his supper)! He's nursing well enough that he's allowed to try to eat with each feed. Depending on how well he nurses, the rest of his feed is fed through his feeding tube. We've been trying to let him nurse when he's awake and I can get over to feed him. Today he nursed part of three of his feeds and he still gained weight! This is awesome because 1) It means he's learning how to eat like a big boy and 2) He has to work hard to nurse, burning extra calories. Its awesome that he's taking in enough calories to make up for the difference. We are very pleased.

On the flip side, he set off his alarm more frequently today. It's hard to tell why this is happening. Certainly part of it could still be his age. His feeds are run through his feeding tube over only 30 minutes and its possible that he's not tolerating the bigger, faster feed as well. He's still on caffeine to prevent apnea and bradycardia.

So. . before he comes home he needs to eat on his own, and he's making great progress in this department. He also needs to be weaned down on his caffeine, however, and needs to not be setting off his alarm. This will be our next "project" (I'm not calling it a hurdle because its to be expected during his course with his prematurity). Certainly, we celebrate how well he's doing eating (and know that he'll probably regress a bit intermittently. We hope his alarms would become less freaquent, which would place us even closer to his HOMECOMING! Tomorrow marks four weeks in the NICU. Its gone quickly, and Logan has come so far. Its easy to forget, however, that he still has a month of developing, and strengthening before he's a "newborn." We're grateful for God's grace through it all, lifting us in celebration during the high points, and sustaining us during low points. There's more of each to come, for sure. Have a lovely evening.

Love to all,
Dale, Michelle, & Logan

We did it!

Dale and I had a little party tonight in honor of Logan's weigh in. We celebrated five pounds with malts from Goodrich. He tipped the scales at 5 lbs .05 ounces (As you can see in the photo, he was ready for his length to be measured, too. That only happens on Thursdays though, so he'll have to wait.) He is tolerating his feeds over a shorter amount of time, and we're making progress in the eating department, too. He did great with his alarms today--just a few. He had a few more this evening, but we think he might have been having some problems with reflux.

Keep your fingers crossed that Logan continues to do well. We don't have any projections regarding when he might come home, but its easier to settle into a routine when he's progressing, albeit slowly. Its also easier to go to work know he's receiving excellent care and he's sort of on autopilot. I'm grateful for an attending physician this week who's understanding and lenient regarding my schedule.

Happy hump day. . . Logan's 35 weeks tomorrow!

Thanks for checking in.

Love Dale, Michelle, & Logan

The A*I*R we breathe

is the air Logan's breathing. Today was a big day again today for the little mister. He's breathing room air with his cannula removed (again). Last time it was removed he alarmed all afternoon, necessitating its replacement. Today he's done great. Hopefully his airways are developed enough that he won't need it. His left cheek is back (along with that beautiful dimple) and he's one step closer to being self sufficient. We are, of course, very proud of him : )
I was pleased when the doctor came in this morning to examine him. He looked at him and said, "This looks like a healthy baby who just needs to grow. Let's fatten him up and send him home to Mom and Dad." AMEN! His feeds were shortened up again, so we're slowly moving him closer to eating every few hours, like he'll do when he gets home.
Our day was otherwise mildly complicated by a minor flood in our apartment. I awoke to a "funny noise" and a soggy rug at 3 am today. They had to pull up part of the carpet to replace the pad and now we have a big fan blowing down the hallway. "White noise" my friend Kelly suggested. : ) The nice thing is that Dale and I aren't even phased by the fact that the floor is torn up in our apartment 9 days after we moved in. That's right, everything's put in perspective.
We'll be having a five pound party very very soon. Stay tuned. . . .

Love~Dale*Michelle*Logan

This

is what Logan did all afternoon. Our perfect, peaceful little boy rested quietly while his mama rested quietly in the recliner next to him. It was good for both of us (and thanks to Dale's hard work all afternoon I was able to retreat for a while). You'll notice he did sneak a peek at the camera just to see what I was doing : )

Tomorrow begins another work week. We ask for prayers of peace and "centeredness" as Dale and I try to find the right balance between work and Logan time. Please also pray for Logan's feeding routine. It's going to be tough for both of us (my milk supply, mainly) to hang in there while he continues to figure it all out. After waiting patiently to cuddle, hold, and love him in "regular" newborn fashion, nursing is an experience I would love to share with Logan.

As we begin another week, we are richly blessed and pray that you and yours experience the same. Best to each of you; thanks for checking in.

Love Dale, Michelle, & Logan

quick check-in

No news is good news. No big changes yesterday, except that they started the slow transition between feeding Logan continuously and boluses every few hours. With that change, I'm trying to be more available so he can try to (learn to) nurse before he gets his feed. Eventually, we'll get to the point where he'll nurse first and only need to be fed through his feeding tube what he doesn't take by mouth. He had his second real bath last night, this time under the direction of Mom and Dad. . . he's a slippery little (4 lb 8 oz) devil, but we did okay and he didn't fuss. (and Sam let us put baby lotion on him when we were done. . . heavenly!)

We've had AWESOME nurses this weekend, which makes all the difference in the world. We're grateful they shared their weekend with us. Yesterday we finished cleaning out the house and Dale's dropping the keys off today (I'm opting not to go). I'm hoping to chill out at the hospital with Logan for most of the day today while Dale runs errands and meets up with us later. The weather is absolutely beautiful here today; hope you have a minute to enjoy it.

Thanks for checking in. Much love--Dale, Michelle, & Logan

crib. check.

Today Logan moved up in the world. After tolerating an increase in his feeds (to keep up with his weight) he was weaned to his first "big boy bed" this afternoon. He seems to be doing well with his temps since then. He stays swaddled in a blanket while in his crib, so he looks like a little burrito in a huge crib, but we're happy. It's certainly less cumbersome to get him out to play. He had fewer alarms today, and most of them were very quick and self resolved. He's also grown out of some of his preemie clothes already! We had to retire our first onesie already today because his torso is so long. I can only imagine what we'll be dealing with when we try to account for his longish legs.

He enjoyed visits from Aunt Jenn and Uncle Curtis as well as the Campbells today. He's also excited to meet another new cousin who was born today. Dale and I splurged for dinner out at our favorite restaurant tonight and had a great time. We're looking forward to more of laid back weekend. We have just a bit of tidying up to do at the house and a little more unpacking to do. Other than that, we can relax and enjoy time with Logan.

Hope you're all well; thanks for checking in on us!

Love Dale, Michelle, & Logan