Good Grief

I was talking with Logan's nurse the other day about grief and have been thinking about it now and again. Any time life doesn't go quite as planned, or any time you miss out on something I think its natural to grieve. As you know, there are several stages of grieving and there are good ways to greive. . . and there are bad ways to grieve. Let's face it, when we got pregnant and excitedly spread the word to all of you, this is not what we expected. It would be easy to perseverate on all of the things we missed (the third trimester experience, normal labor & delivery, going home with our precious 2 day old newborn, trying to figure out feeding and diapers and baths without a clue what we were doing, the list could go on and on) but it doesn't do any good. It also doesn't help much to compare Logan to any other kid with any other story. Life for us has been very different than we expected the past 6 weeks, and as I look back on it, we've been situated in various stages of grief.

Once I started thinking about it, I didn't think I'd spent much time in the anger stage. I remember thinking that I simply didn't know people could be angry with God (or whomever or whatever) because in the end there's a beautiful child who still gets to come home with us. Then I woke up the next day and I was angry. . . oops : ) As I look back, I've spent plenty of time in denial, too. In fact, I kind of had the notion that in a couple of days/weeks, we'd walk out of the NICU and be done worrying. . . that he would have magically transitioned to a completely healthy "normal" kid (if one exists) and it would be life as usual from here on out. I'm not so ignorant to think that parents don't worry about their kids, but I kind of thought his first 2 months would make a nice chapter in his book of life, and that we could turn the page and begin another.

Such is not the case. We've been dealt a very special hand with Logan, and we'll always care for him in a very special way. He'll have different needs and followup when we leave, and I think I'm starting to accept that. We're not going to close this book and open the book on easy street. Don't get me wrong. . .Logan has done GREAT, and for the most part is a very healthy kid and for that we are truly truly blessed.

Good grief. That is my hope and my prayer. Lord, please shower us with grace and provide us the perseverence to handle the curves in life. (and please move me past the denial that once we walk out the doors of the NICU that life is going to be a straight shot : ) For you, please forgive me if you call or stop by and catch me in an angry mode.

We met with the Dr. yesterday and our ambitious hope is that we're within a couple of weeks of coming home. From the beginning, we were told to expect him to be here until his due date (9/11) so anything we get before that will be a treat. He continues to do great; for the most part he's been feeding well and seems to just need one or two feeds through his tube per day. He had good weight gain last night (he had stalled out for a bit) and hopefully he'll continue that. He continues to get cuter and more lovable every day (I think he got that from me) and I seriously can't wait for you to meet him! I humbly ask for your continued prayers for all of us.

Thank you, and much love from all of us! Have a great day.